Junior

A conversation between Matt and Social Security last night (written by Matt):

Me: "Hi, my son was born on July 18^th and I just got his social security card in the mail. The card says “Jr.” even though he’s not a Jr., so can you fix that for me?"

SS officer: "Hmmm. That sounds like a name change. I’m afraid you’ll have to go through the name change process - you'll need to fill out form PX-104 with copies of all your official documents. It’ll take 4 to 16 weeks."

Me: "Really? I’m not changing his name. You guys just made a mistake and I would just like to get it corrected."

SS officer: "Well, who filled out the paperwork at the hospital?"

Me: "I did."

SS officer: "Well, you see sir, we still need proof that what you say is correct."

Me: "Isn’t the paperwork I already filled out proof enough?"

SS officer: "Well, the paperwork has actually already been affirmed by someone, so I’m afraid we can’t use that as proof."

Me: "Huh. My name is not the same as his. Do you allow a child to go by junior when he has a different name than his father?"

SS officer: "Well, no, we wouldn't allow that."

Me: "So can you see that his name really can’t be Jr.? And it was obviously a mistake by someone in your department to add Jr. onto his name?"

SS officer: "Well, I really wish I could help you. If this was a mistake in spelling I could just change it, but this is a name change so I’m afraid I can’t."

Me: (deep breath)….."Actually, you could say that it is a mistake in spelling. You see where it says 'Jr.' on the back of his name? That should actually be three blank spaces."

SS officer: "Sorry, I can't do that. Would you like me to mail you a copy of the forms to fill out?"

Me: "You win. I quit. I’ll just call my kid Junior."

(the last three lines were hyperbole, but only slightly)